The Beast is back, dumped by Belle after she skim-read all the books in his library, and deciding that she rather prefers a man with copious amounts of facial hair, absconded in the middle of the night for the frolics and japes of her old village.
Understandably the Beast is none too impressed. He skulks about his oversized castle, transformed back into that monstrosity whence he came, saying scarcely a word to the clock or the candlestick.
As the years pass he grows gruffer and grouchier, and becomes prone to violent fits, but so much of this is nothing more than a façade, for the Beast is lonely, and in his heart he still yearns for someone to love. What seems like aggression only masks a timorous nature, as he fears that his time is running out.
Hideously unfit for human consumption, weighed down by all that fur, his nerves frayed through being always lonesome, without proper glazing so that his castle is too warm in summer and in winter much too cold, the list of things which might terrify the Beast seems endless. But here for various reasons are his ten least favourite Disney songs.
* * *
‘Belle’ from Beauty and the Beast (1991)
A hardly surprising first pick. The title alone is like a dagger to the Beast’s sternum, and upon hearing the voice of his old flame he wants to retch. He has heard Belle in her coarser moments, and on reflection her singing here is little more than the sound of a subtle coquette.
* * *
‘Gaston’ from Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Of course the Beast never cared for the boasting of Gaston, but now in his quieter moments he sometimes wishes that the lank-haired lothario had finished him off up on that rooftop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNlpuD42_BM
* * *
‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me’ from Toy Story (1995)
The Beast has no friends.
* * *
‘When You Wish Upon A Star’ from Pinocchio (1940)
There are no stars in the Beast’s world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pguMUFyJ3_U
* * *
‘Under the Sea’ from The Little Mermaid (1989)
Beasts cannot survive underwater.
* * *
‘God Help the Outcasts’ from The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
But no matter how bleak things seem above or below the surface, the last thing the Beast wants is pity.
* * *
‘Colors of the Wind’ from Pocahontas (1995)
In some ways Pocahontas’ plight resembles the Beast’s own, as both have been typecast as the noble savage by the ones they love. But the chorus to this song utterly infuriates the Beast, as his thickset paws prevent him from painting or accomplishing any other art or craft, while the reference to the wind just reminds him of his draughty castle.
* * *
‘Hakuna Matata’ from The Lion King (1994)
When you are in the Beast’s situation, cod philosophy is both a vexer and a horror.
* * *
‘I Wan’na Be Like You’ from The Jungle Book (1967)
The Beast becomes especially glum when he realises he may never again be human or have kids in human form.
* * *
‘The Bare Necessities’ from The Jungle Book (1967)
And as for his genitalia, it is a sight even the sorest of eyes cannot abide.
