As Theresa May scoffed down Byron burgers, it was a wonder that a piece of prime British meat didn’t get stuck at the back of her throat. For Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith really was awfully mean when he used an inopportune phrase to criticise the new Conservative Prime Minister. Commenting on a recent parliamentary session, Smith took the sort…
As Theresa May sets about the arduous task of replacing all the paintings in her new Downing Street home – she reportedly intends to swap artworks from the Government Art Collection for framed quotations drawn from the speech she made upon becoming Prime Minister less than two weeks ago – one minor problem has emerged, but nobody seems willing to tell her…
After meeting for the first time with Germany’s Angela Merkel and France’s Francois Hollande, newly ordained UK Prime Minister Theresa May is expected to announce that post-Brexit, the nation is ready to accept the free movement of its people. ‘British citizens’, May will say in a speech scheduled for sometime later, ‘should expect to continue to be allowed to travel and…
She was meant to be leading her first cabinet meeting and preparing for her first conflabs with Angela Merkel and Francois Hollande. But today Theresa May instead remained caught up in Parliament, proudly listing the names of all those places upon which she would happily drop a nuclear bomb. Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn may have erred on the side of…
When Andrea Leadsom became Minister of State for Energy and Climate Change last year, serving under Secretary of State Amber Rudd, she recalled asking her new department two crucial questions. In her own words: ‘When I first came to this job one of my two questions was ‘Is climate change real?’ and the other was ‘Is hydraulic fracturing safe?’ And…
Adam Werritty last night pressed his prettiest panties and packed them tightly into the suitcase which has lain dormant for the best part of five years. It is not that Werritty hasn’t travelled abroad in all that time, but rather that this suitcase is a special suitcase, full to the brim with old documents pertaining to the defunct fake charity the Atlantic…
After events spiralled on Monday to leave Theresa May as the last Tory standing, The Shimmering Ostrich can exclusively reveal that May’s first act as Prime Minister come Wednesday will be to crack down on the work of the Nigerian highlife musician Prince Nico Mbarga. Mbarga, recording with his band Rocafil Jazz, released the song ‘Sweet Mother’ all the way back in 1976. A…
As she outlined her credentials and sought to shrug off claims that the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom must be he who can loudest shout ‘Brexit!’, Theresa May admitted that bitterness and strife are the way of today’s Conservative Party, pointing the finger squarely at asylum seekers and immigrants. Brushing aside questions about her rival Michael Gove – suggesting that ‘What…
