Aries (20 March – 19 April)
He calls you his love and his darling, but do you still hunger for his touch?
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Taurus (19 April – 20 May)
Milk of Magnesia might go by other brand names abroad, a useful tip as you embark on exciting travels this month.
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Gemini (20 May – 20 June)
Parlay the talents which make you such an entertaining individual in your own company into the opportunity for friendships a little further afield.
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Cancer (20 June – 22 July)
Within an analogy to a horse, squat thrusts might tone your hindquarters, but a firm rear combined with a long face won’t get you that tasty carrot.
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Leo (22 July – 22 August)
Waffles ain’t a thing for breakfast, if you wanna be taking care of your health. Try a nice muesli, or piquant grapefruit with yoghurt, and see your prospects start to shoot up.
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Virgo (22 August – 22 September)
That’s three times this week you’ve gone to bed beyond your self-appointed hour, fiddling on your smartphone, hanging out with friends, lolling drowsily into the half-morn after necking the salty rim of a cold liquor. Be smart and be careful, lest you take an unwanted trip down to Burnoutsville, Involuntary Nap Avenue, or Somnambulist Street.
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Libra (22 September – 22 October)
Something in the night is calling to you, saying ‘Coo, coo, coo!’ – and then it stops. A billowing shape, a fleeting embrace, something flutters beyond your right eyelid.
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Scorpio (22 October – 21 November)
When Mercury leaves your sign on the second Saturday of this month, you might unexpectedly become mute. Unless you resolve an underlying issue with your partner, neither ice cream nor libation with loosen that tongue.
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Sagittarius (21 November – 21 December)
Your ruling planet may be Jupiter, but your mind is focused on Mars, as you eagerly await the next announcement from Elon Musk.
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Capricorn (21 December – 19 January)
Try a continental dish to reinvigorate your love life, like coq au Riesling, sauerbraten, or gravadlax.
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Aquarius (19 January – 19 February)
When the Natal Moon trines Neptune, get ready for your creative energies to splurt.
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Pisces (19 February – 20 March)
It is time for the United States presidential election, but the only poll which matters this month is the mental one which, when you peer into the glass, ineluctably shows you its numbers, or the one your friends take over over casual dinners behind your back.
