Aries (20 March – 19 April)
Uranus retrograde and the feeling is painful.
* * *
Taurus (19 April – 20 May)
A lover scorned is no worse than a hammock distended.
***
Gemini (20 May – 20 June)
Lots going on behind the scenes, all masked by your gut protruding.
* * *
Cancer (20 June – 22 July)
The workplace is a realm of giving and taking, only this month lots of sandwiches and yet no one is offering?
* * *
Leo (22 July – 22 August)
After all the excitement of last weekend at the deli, don’t you think it’s time to settle down and take things easy?
* * *
Virgo (22 August – 22 September)
Scarlet lips promise some success, but more auspicious if they’re plummy.
* * *
Libra (22 September – 22 October)
Your ruler Venus is a barefaced adulterer. You look longingly at Mercury, but in response not a flicker.
* * *
Scorpio (22 October – 21 November)
Halt that flood of thoughts, your headspace is no place for a deluge. On the other hand you’re already wet, your mind too soggy for the wringer.
* * *
Sagittarius (21 November – 21 December)
It feels like the world is going to end. Cataclysmic fears penetrate your karmic cycle. But is it all so bad, or did you simply skip breakfast?
* * *
Capricorn (21 December – 19 January)
The wilting of your social life suggests staying indoors making fruit preserves, alas the summer’s turning late, and you’ll have to wait for blackberry season.
* * *
Aquarius (19 January – 19 February)
The total eclipse will occur this month, so best to just grin and bear it.
* * *
Pisces (19 February – 20 March)
After seven fresh starts over the course of two weeks, the eighth will bring momentary happiness.
