Aries (20 March – 19 April)
Out picking chrysanthemums this month, you find yourself reminiscing on old acquaintances.
* * *
Taurus (19 April – 20 May)
Where one door closes another one ends. The cat flap seems like a tight fit, the bird feed is not a suitable dinner.
***
Gemini (20 May – 20 June)
Your boss is always so demanding, but remember, one at the water fountain is worth two in the bush.
* * *
Cancer (20 June – 22 July)
Why is strife always the way of things between you and your lover? Were the good times only discrete times and not destined to be a ceaseless duration? Look deeply into their eyes, and think that maybe you still like them.
* * *
Leo (22 July – 22 August)
‘Oh just look at those cheeks, my sweet little cherub!’ is undoubtedly a fine compliment, but consider the tone and the context before you go changing your underwear.
* * *
Virgo (22 August – 22 September)
You’re reaching that banner age and have neither the stolen wife, rhinestone life, or big old boys that Beck promised. So rub your remaining dollar bills together, or hit the casino, because it’s time to go hard or go home.
* * *
Libra (22 September – 22 October)
A change of scenery might seem like the answer, but you’ll be none the wiser if you don’t first attend the opticians.
* * *
Scorpio (22 October – 21 November)
Gather a circle of friends about you. To the left you see generosity, to the right you see always making time for others, straight ahead there is sharing at mealtimes, and over your shoulder there is the lavish giving of gifts. To all sides you see generosity, at least if you ordered your circle right.
* * *
Sagittarius (21 November – 21 December)
The rare alignment of a certain planet over a deciduous tree bears bleak omens for a hitherto barren womb, but suddenly your teenage daughter is pregnant, and just like her belly the circle of life won’t stop kicking after all.
* * *
Capricorn (21 December – 19 January)
You’re not really using your neck muscles to express anything, so relax and contract, and try to convey from the neck.
* * *
Aquarius (19 January – 19 February)
‘See the stone, heat the stone, add mozzarella, the pizza’s done!’, should be your motto.
* * *
Pisces (19 February – 20 March)
Is it the unseasonal drift from the North Atlantic Current, that which is making your face seem so sour?
