If you’re going to be working for even just one year or a few months – between casual holidays, world tours, sick leaves, or career retrospectives in which you step back so as to take stock – never mind forty or fifty years waiting painstakingly for retirement, either way you’ll want for the period to be a happy one. But the workplace is full of pitfalls, hard and fast rules that never seem to be written down anywhere, and without a guiding hand it’s easy to come up short.
Your bosses will look down on you if you’re not meekly attentive in meetings yet slickly confident in front of customers and clients, if you quibble with your colleagues and struggle at break times to talk soaps or sport. They want someone who is diligent with facts and figures but also diligent in the bathroom with regard to nose hairs and deodorant. So here’s a brief rundown of best practise when it comes to a life of work.
- Don’t be the gimp who works extra long hours. It stands to reason that if everyone else worked only an hour or two a day, the same would apply to you also. Be the change that you wish to see in the world, not the fool who prolongs it.
- When it comes to your salary, don’t be scared to negotiate. Whether it’s at a job interview or performance review, when the subject of your salary comes up, look the person who broached it firmly in the eye and with a sympathetic grin advise, ‘I think I’m worth a little more than that‘.
- It’s better while at the office to drink from the communal coffee machine, out of a bottle or can purchased from a nearby shop, or even directly out of the tap. In fact in some professions the tap will serve you better than a costly vitamin water – nobody likes someone who puts on airs. If you absolutely must drink out of a thermos or flask, make sure it’s a discreet one. If your colleagues notice you drinking out of a nice flask they’ll spend their waking hours wondering what’s in it.
- A post-it note says a thousand words. Colour coordinated post-it notes placed concisely over a drawing board or desk do the work you won’t have to. They send an impression of organised efficiency.
- Dress for the part you want, not the part you have. If you wear an untucked shirt covered in last night’s supper, at an office dinner or working luncheon your superiors would be entitled to call for the highchair. Instead put on those business pants, a well-pressed white shirt, and a crisp cravat or necktie, and see your career prospects soar provided no-one’s looking at your still grubby feet.
- A watercooler moment is for casually animated chat about what you saw last night on TV. It’s not the place for amorous declarations, nor for clogging up the spout and watching the water squirt everywhere in some kind of prank.
- Contrary to popular opinion, a too-firm handshake suggests either gross insecurity or anger issues, and it’s better to go with soft fingers and a floppy wrist. But try and get your handshake just right. Tickling your colleague or client’s palm with your middle finger is rarely appropriate.
