Post-Brexit Blues

Byron Burger Deports Bell Pepper, But Only After Extracting The Flavour

Even counting their regular customers, few probably appreciate the significance of the bell pepper for trendy chain hamburger restaurant Byron. While the restaurant boasts cuts of ‘properly sourced’ British beef as the star attraction, the humble workaday bell pepper features across several hamburgers, adds substance to vegetarian meals, comes as an optional extra topping, and spices up the brand’s sauce. In red, orange, yellow,…

Owen Smith Should Lick Theresa May’s Heels, Not Smash Her Back On Them

As Theresa May scoffed down Byron burgers, it was a wonder that a piece of prime British meat didn’t get stuck at the back of her throat. For Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith really was awfully mean when he used an inopportune phrase to criticise the new Conservative Prime Minister. Commenting on a recent parliamentary session, Smith took the sort…

The Final Countdown: G.O.B. Hired To Make Philip Green’s Yacht Disappear

As beleaguered former BHS boss Philip Green floats around the Mediterranean, reeling from the barrage of criticism he has received this week at the hands of British MPs, he might soon find himself worrying about much more than a few million pounds and a withdrawn knighthood. For according to Westminster insiders, angry politicians are actively seeking out George Oscar Bluth Jr., better known…

Quotations Instead Of Paintings In Theresa May’s Downing Street? Knope!

As Theresa May sets about the arduous task of replacing all the paintings in her new Downing Street home – she reportedly intends to swap artworks from the Government Art Collection for framed quotations drawn from the speech she made upon becoming Prime Minister less than two weeks ago – one minor problem has emerged, but nobody seems willing to tell her…

UK Resolves To Accept The Free Movement Of Its People

After meeting for the first time with Germany’s Angela Merkel and France’s Francois Hollande, newly ordained UK Prime Minister Theresa May is expected to announce that post-Brexit, the nation is ready to accept the free movement of its people. ‘British citizens’, May will say in a speech scheduled for sometime later, ‘should expect to continue to be allowed to travel and…

Theresa May Won’t Stop Naming All The Places She Would Nuclear Bomb

She was meant to be leading her first cabinet meeting and preparing for her first conflabs with Angela Merkel and Francois Hollande. But today Theresa May instead remained caught up in Parliament, proudly listing the names of all those places upon which she would happily drop a nuclear bomb. Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn may have erred on the side of…

Trident: The Nuclear Choice For The Sophisticated Gentleman

Jeremy Corbyn might have shown a lifelong commitment to nuclear disarmament, joining the CND as a teenager all the way back in 1966 and campaigning resolutely on its behalf, before becoming vice chair of the organisation and finally vice president last October. But this sort of conviction politics is old hat, quite out of place from the perspective of the…

No Man Is An Island, And If He Were Would You Be Safe Crispin Blunt?

Crispin Blunt, the Conservative MP for Reigate and Chair of the Foreign Affairs Select Committee, believes that even in today’s increasingly hostile geopolitical climate he can make a paradisiacal island for himself on reasoned argument’s milk and honey. What folly Mr. Blunt! For Mr. Blunt was the only Conservative MP to vote yesterday against the renewal of the United Kingdom’s Trident nuclear…

Leadsom To Get Rid Of Forests And Find Pesky Foxes

When Andrea Leadsom became Minister of State for Energy and Climate Change last year, serving under Secretary of State Amber Rudd, she recalled asking her new department two crucial questions. In her own words: ‘When I first came to this job one of my two questions was ‘Is climate change real?’ and the other was ‘Is hydraulic fracturing safe?’ And…

Liam Fox Arrives In Theresa May’s Cabinet On A Package Deal

Adam Werritty last night pressed his prettiest panties and packed them tightly into the suitcase which has lain dormant for the best part of five years. It is not that Werritty hasn’t travelled abroad in all that time, but rather that this suitcase is a special suitcase, full to the brim with old documents pertaining to the defunct fake charity the Atlantic…