Global Affairs

Hillary Clinton Wrapped In Flag, Hoisted Out Of 9/11 Commemoration

Most Republicans have known for a long time now that there is something terribly wrong with Hillary Clinton, a life-threatening, brain-sapping, skin-eating, otherwise-debilitating embolism, infection, or disease. The complicit liberal press cannot hide it, and it is such that neither the high-tech physician nor blood-sucking leech can cure. She is irreparable and irredeemable. The devil has hold of her, and…

Brock Turner’s Father Says ‘Let Them Eat Steak’

In many ways Brock Turner’s father seems like a real Brock Turner: ignorant and entitled, grossly misogynist, eager to condone sexual assault. The brazen arrogance and extraordinary lack of compassion he showed when he described the sexual assault of an unconscious woman as no more than ’20 minutes of action’, in a letter sent to Santa Clara County Superior Court which…

Trump And Farage: A Bromance Angry White Men Can Get Behind

One inherited the real estate empire built up by his father, Fred Trump, who by the 1970s was one of the richest people in America with a fortune of around $200 million. Fred made his way by profiteering from public contracts, and according to folk singer Woody Guthrie and the US Department of Justice Civil Rights Division, he was a…

Un-German Civil Defence Plan Without A Bratwurst In Sight

At a meeting on Wednesday, the German cabinet approved a new strategy for civil defence. While the details are yet to be made public, a report on Sunday in the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung revealed that as part of the strategy, citizens will be encouraged to prepare for a catastrophe or crisis by stockpiling food, water, and other supplies. The new…

Pope Francis Signs Up For Pokémon Go In Bid To Curb Couch Potatoes

Asserting his free will, denying that the pernicious hand of sponsorship was at play, at the last Mass of his five-day trip to Poland Pope Francis told one million pilgrims near Krakow that he is taking up Pokémon Go, and that they should too lest they become ‘couch potatoes’. Addressing the young at Saturday’s youth festival, the leader of the worldwide…

British Museums To Shut At Weekends, Will Sell More Sandwiches

In news which is hardly likely to please the nation’s art enthusiasts, but should at least satiate the peoples’ hungry bellies, Culture Secretary Karen Bradley announced this lunchtime that Britain’s top museums will henceforth shut at weekends, while during the week they will sell more sandwiches. Most of Britain’s more than 2,500 museums rely on local authority funding, self-generated income,…

Matsuo Bashō At 372: The Haiku Master And Alzheimer’s

In 1675 the eminent haikai no renga poet of the day, Nishiyama Sōin, visited Edo from his base in Osaka. While haikai no renga – a form of linked verse with alternating sections of seventeen and fourteen morae – was already characterised by its lighthearted wit and occasional vulgarity, in Sōin’s hands it gained a new freedom of expression, for the first time…

Prancer And Pencer: The Republican Party’s Dream Ticket

One flighty and endearingly capricious, enthralling the masses as he flounces from stage to stage, flailing his arms like a windsock puppet and unspooling from wet lips his one slogan about making America great. The other a man of firm conviction, the steely glint in his eyes matched only by the steely grey of hair whose colour somehow seems to permeate…

After Hottest Day Of Summer, Man Tires Of Living In An Adhesive World

Bodies with mass inevitably attract, at least according to Isaac Newton. But when bodies, objects, masses – whatever you want to call them – do come together they’re usually not sticky, with a viscous substance between them that clings fast and feels increasingly disgusting. But then there’s nothing usual about the hottest day of summer, which is why we call it…

Political Crisis In Turkey As Army Can’t Even Organise Successful Coup

In a country which straddles the Bosphorus unevenly yet can seem figuratively split down the middle between religious fanatics and strident secularists, it is often left to the armed forces to uphold some semblance of secular order in Turkey. It is an institution as important as the Presidency, Congress, and Supreme Court are for the separation of powers in the…