Global Affairs

Trump’s Hasty Withdrawal Leaves Defiled Paris Climate Agreement

After teasing and tormenting his fellow world leaders and pledging an announcement only sometime this week, finally on Thursday – in the White House Rose Garden, surrounded by anti-environmentalists for the sort of bathetic display which has come to characterise every administrative ‘success’ – Donald Trump confirmed that he is pulling the United States out of the 2015 Paris Climate Agreement….

Cadbury Celebrates The Chocolatiest Holiday

So Cadbury, Britain’s tastiest success story, a small family business selling coffee and cocoa drinks which grew to become one of the world’s most renowned chocolatiers, stands accused of defiling Easter. Two thousand years ago Jesus died to save our sins, and no matter how sticky or jumped up on sugar, lest you or I or indeed any of us forget….

Fruity Muzzles Make Gun Suicide More Appetising

Whether it is copycatism – as people seek to mimic what they’ve seen across 24-hour news streams or bask briefly in the glamorous afterglow of Hollywood cinema – or some strange muscle reflex or intuition, the most popular way to shoot oneself is by pointing the gun firmly into the roof of the mouth before shakily pulling the trigger. Ironically however the…

Donald Trump Holds Inauguration Crowd In The Palm Of His Tiny Hand

Supporters of Donald Trump – apparently tethered to the internet, or not wanting to stray too far from the safeties and the sureties of their faded rural homes – swiftly declared it his first miracle. But for the embittered, fraudulent and falsifying, mainstream, multicultural, liberal cuckold press, the reason the incoming president managed to fit the entirety of his inauguration…

Trump Hires Hookers To ‘Inaugurate’ The White House

In barely one week’s time – as Donald Trump lingers within the Capitol Building fixing his hair while Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller add the final moribund flourishes to his inauguration speech – the moving-in trucks will be busily descending upon the White House. The iconic structure will be preparing to welcome the 45th President of the United States. But unbeknownst to its…

United States Shouts It From The Rooftops: ‘Our Elections Are Neither Free Nor Fair’

Almost everybody and everything presently in a position of power in the United States – from leading politicians on both sides of Congress, including Speaker of the House and top Republican Paul Ryan, to federal departments, intelligence agencies, and courts of law – agrees that November’s presidential election was corrupt. That’s why – following calls from Republican senators John McCain and Lindsey…

Online Porn Blamed For Defiled Elf On The Shelf

Citing a paid survey probably filled in by parents which – if taken at face value – indicates that one in ten children can conceive a scenario where they might possibly be damaged by online sex, the scourge of internet pornography has been blamed in the sorry case of a defiled Elf on the Shelf. The surreptitious love child of a…

Set Down Your Samosas And Stand: Indian Cinemas Must Play National Anthem

The Supreme Court of India is well known for its vacations, taking respite from the weary work of law, appeals, and constitutions via numerous short breaks for public holidays and religious festivals, in addition to the month and a half it spends annually enjoying the early summer sun. But when the sun goes down, as the number of pending cases…

Did Putin And Duterte Assassinate Voters In Wisconsin?

As cries of controversy continue to reverberate and the shock waves from an unexpected election result discombobulate us all and the tremors keep us on ever trembling and the twin senses of fear and anticipation only grow and grow and grow, and as the atmosphere becomes increasingly toxic and the situation threatens to take a nuclear turn, things have already…