So you’ve finally got round to getting one of those phones with a little circle on the back. Welcome to the twenty-first century you utter dullard – and in case you haven’t quite got it yet, it’s called a camera you jerk! Can’t find the camera app on your phone? Don’t even know what an ‘app’ is yet? You’re probably…
Perturbed commentators and disgruntled Labour Party MPs expressed shock and awe last night at the spectre of common sense, a quality which they believed had long disappeared from British party politics. As the Labour Party’s National Executive Committee ruled that incumbent leader Jeremy Corbyn will be allowed to stand for re-election, horror descended upon Westminster at the thought that one of the most…
From Żelimucha to Białousy in northern Poland, to Čačak, Serbia, eastern Sicily, and parts of the Languedoc, after taking more than a year away from his popular cooking show to traverse Europe in search of the finest ingredients, despairing celebrity chef Gaston Ramirez has declared ‘Kill me now, my life is compote’. The traditional dessert, made of pieces of fruit stewed in…
As Jeremy Corbyn responded to the brick thrown through Angela Eagle’s constituency office window with a call for dignity, respect, and some modicum of calm, Eagle whimpered and declared, ‘That could have hit me! Ouch! That could have really hurt Jeremy!’. The brick passed through a ground-floor window of Eagle’s Wallasey office sometime between 5 pm on Monday and 9 am on…
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is a thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania. 1925.
As David Cameron strolled back through the door of 10 Downing Street, moments after announcing his resignation and the handover of power to Theresa May, the soon-to-be-former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom revealed an unexpected predilection for scat. ‘On Wednesday I will attend the House of Commons for Prime Minister’s Questions, and then after that I expect to go…
It was a bright summer’s day, so you went to the park in search of Taylor Swift, your idol. Yet Taylor Swift peeped but briefly from behind this tree. The beach will be better, you thought, all out in the open, only to find Taylor Swift all crouched over, precariously balancing this paddle board and hiding the better part of her…
After events spiralled on Monday to leave Theresa May as the last Tory standing, The Shimmering Ostrich can exclusively reveal that May’s first act as Prime Minister come Wednesday will be to crack down on the work of the Nigerian highlife musician Prince Nico Mbarga. Mbarga, recording with his band Rocafil Jazz, released the song ‘Sweet Mother’ all the way back in 1976. A…
Pokémon Go, the augmented reality game which sends intrepid players outdoors in a live hunt for their favourite critters and creeps, arrived but a few short days ago on iOS and Android in the United States, Australia, and New Zealand. Many of the in-game mechanics are sure to prove unfamiliar to longtime fans of the series. In Pokémon Go, for instance, players don’t catch new Pokémon…
‘Take these broken wings, and learn to fly again, learn to live so free’, Angela Eagle today urged the Labour Party, singing at first in a fine unfettered voice, wispy but resoundingly clear. Yet as the song played on Eagle could no longer constrain herself, and openly she began to weep, her faltering sound swiftly becoming all but inaudible, her message…
