Clementine Craze As Relaxation Track Swapped For Krautrock Band Can

Anxious adults of all ages have surged on supermarkets in search of the sweet clementine, after the mindful mutterings of a popular relaxation app were surreptitiously replaced by the searing sounds of early krautrock band Can. In some parts of the world the rush has even caused a shortage of the Mediterranean citrus. It all started when a 40-minute mindfulness meditation track…

Prancer And Pencer: The Republican Party’s Dream Ticket

One flighty and endearingly capricious, enthralling the masses as he flounces from stage to stage, flailing his arms like a windsock puppet and unspooling from wet lips his one slogan about making America great. The other a man of firm conviction, the steely glint in his eyes matched only by the steely grey of hair whose colour somehow seems to permeate…

Zayn Malik Envisioned As A Tennessee Stud Is Smoking!

We’re still all absolutely devs about the breakup of 1D, and spend these long summer nights only dreaming about their one-day reunion as the runny makeup stains our tear-sodden pillows. Sob sob! But we also spend these dank summer nights dreaming about Zayn Malik’s first world tour, which will one day bring him tunefully to the United States of America. Zayn…

Wet Dreams Become Nightmares: Now Holm Falls To Shevchenko

Already in some discomfort, turned rudely on its head by the defeat of Ronda Rousey last November, over the past couple of weeks the throbbing organ of popular interest in the UFC Women’s Bantamweight division has succumbed to what can only be described as blunt force trauma. First Miesha Tate was dismantled in the first round of her first title defence by Amanda Nunes,…

Ice Fall: The Avalanche At Castle Black

  he ice rushed down the wall face with no warning but a ‘crck crck crck’, a flurry of jagged translucency muffling the last piercing cries of the steward and the maester who soon lay helpless underneath. For Maester Ormon, the steward Urvid, and many other men (but no women) of the Night’s Watch, worse was still to come. Within hours they had…