With the WWE brand split just weeks away the company’s writing staff, mentally stretched at the best of times, are reported to have succumbed to mad panic as they struggle to determine which of their alleged superstars will feature on Raw, and which on a reconfigured Smackdown, which for the first time will emanate live on Tuesday nights from the USA Network.
So far few superstars have been allocated slots. Meanwhile Vince McMahon roams backstage with his head in his hands muttering mostly something about ‘the Samoan’, but occasionally also about ‘the Swiss’ and ‘the Scot’: apparent references to Roman Reigns, recently suspended after violating talent wellness policy; Cesaro, who McMahon famously accused of lacking ‘it’; and either Drew Galloway or ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper, the former who left WWE back in 2014 despite once being billed as McMahon’s ‘Chosen One’, the latter who passed away last year in the most untimely of fashions.
But one decision has been made ahead of the imminent brand split, and WWE officials have bowed to fan pressure by confirming that 15-time world champion John Cena will appear on both shows.
The fan in question has been named locally as Billy Maloney, a three-year-old from Winooski, Vermont. Maloney, unused to the cameras, spoke haltingly as he explained why he had petitioned WWE for a constant stream of John Cena, but he seemed happy enough with the company’s response. His parents verified that he has asked for one item of memorabilia for his upcoming birthday, a red, white, and blue cap displaying the slogan ‘Never Give Up’.
Thousands of fans took to internet fora and social media to lament WWE’s decision to plaster the veteran Cena over both brands. In an official statement WWE said that it always listens eagerly to the internet fanbase, if only so as to make sure that their opinions are being firmly dismissed.
