Aries (20 March – 19 April)
Did you know that the wise men of the New Testament were probably astrologers? You might not find an infant in a manger wrapped in swaddling, but if you follow your personal star this month, in a grubby shack after the office party unto you a child will be born.
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Taurus (19 April – 20 May)
On an evening stroll it starts to feel chilly, which might be Venus’s way of telling you to buy a new overcoat.
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Gemini (20 May – 20 June)
You’ve borne a burden too long, unbeknownst to even your closest loved ones. Set that burden aside and partake in a sherry.
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Cancer (20 June – 22 July)
The end of the year is no reason to end those long-held resolutions. But if you never kept any resolutions to start with is the new year a blessing or a curse?
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Leo (22 July – 22 August)
That glimmer in your eye speaks untold messages. The attractive member of the opposite sex whose heel struck a puddle on departure from the discotheque left a wet spot running down your supple cheek.
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Virgo (22 August – 22 September)
Your husband likes his meat, but your daughter’s just turned vegetarian. Sometimes life seems too short, as you chase the ineffable goose around the kitchen.
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Libra (22 September – 22 October)
A lilac-scented bath bomb sounds about right for you this month.
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Scorpio (22 October – 21 November)
Tossing and turning, chasing and chafing, milling about and whiling away the time, and just when you least expect, it turns out that after all opposites do attract.
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Sagittarius (21 November – 21 December)
The moon is doing something awful peculiar and we can only hope to get back to you regarding how it pertains to your horoscope.
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Capricorn (21 December – 19 January)
In your dreams you saw three ships, three ships, three ships, three ships, three ships, in your dreams you saw three ships go sailing in come the morning.
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Aquarius (19 January – 19 February)
The dying lights of these taciturn days still silently mutter about new acquaintances. How about offering somebody at work a ginger biscuit?
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Pisces (19 February – 20 March)
Over the northern hemisphere hangs but one thought: when do they celebrate Christmas in Australia?
